FAQ FRIDAY POST: How do I ask a woman out?

Long post:

As in you want to know what exactly to say? Keep in mind learning lines isn’t too helpful because a cookie-cutter line will only work in the same situation with the same body language, same atmosphere, same level of rapport, and same personal attractiveness. Different people can get away with different things and I can probably say some things that wouldn’t work for you.

Because of this it’s important to understand why you say certain things. That way you can adapt to your personal situation. In this case I can give examples.

Using the general guide of: Lighthearted chat > gentle teasing > more emotional/intimate topics > flirting > sexual, I’ll give you a super accelerated example.

Lighthearted Chat:
Guy: “Ok, so what’s better? Coffee or tea? I probably should have asked before I bought you that coffee.”
Girl: “Tea”.

Gentle teasing:
Guy: “What? Really? Oh man, I don’t know if I can be your friend anymore.”
Girl: “Why?”

Emotional/Intimate topics:
Guy: “I just have this thing for good coffee. When I lived in Paris the coffee there was amazing. The smell of a good coffee reminds me of those cold, rainy mornings. Is that weird? Do you have anything that you associate with an old memory?” Girl: “Omg I totally get what you mean. I used to have this big bear when I was little and I remember hugging it when it was cold and it would keep me warm. You lived in Paris? How come?”

Flirting: Guy: “That’s a secret. Maybe I’ll tell you later. A big bear huh? I knew you were the stuffed toy kind of girl.”
Girl: “What? Tell me now! And what do you mean a stuffed toy kind of girl! I was really little ok?”
Guy: “Haha, I just meant you’re really feminine. It’s cute.”

Sexual:
Girl: “Oh … well heaps of girls have stuffed toys. It’s not really special.” Guy: “But not every girl does that thing with your nose that you just did because you were embarrassed.” Girl: “Omg what nose thing?” Guy: “Come on, let’s go for a walk. I want to show you something.”

And now to deconstruct that to figure out why.

Lighthearted chat – It’s an innocent question that leads to more topics and also reveals things about both of you.
Gentle teasing – She’s not expecting you to do any “rejecting”. It opens her up a bit more.
Emotional/intimate topics – Not only do you make yourself seem interesting and like you have a lot of experience in life, you bring up an emotion that is quite personal. In reality, everyone has cold, rainy mornings but when you think about it subjectively you feel like only you faced those cold mornings alone. Now you have someone to share it with. Plus it reminded her of her childhood which is even better.
Flirting – You denied her request showing that you’re not a pushover or a doormat. Keeps her interested in you too because there’s more about you she can’t figure out. Then you “judge” her by categorising her as a “stuffed toy girl”. She feels a bit defensive. You defuse her worries and compliment her. It throws her off guard and her emotions are all tumultuous. It feels like attraction.
Sexual – You point out some obscure detail about her. She feels like you’re paying a lot of attention to her and it’s flattering. It’s also another compliment. You can escalate physically here too. Touch her on the nose to show her. And then you ignore her question completely and test her compliance by asking her to go with you somewhere else. If she agrees, she’s obviously attracted to you already. You can also guide her out the coffee shop with your hand on her waist/back/arm.

Obviously just an example so don’t try to pull this exact same thing off. But if you understand why the conversation was framed in a certain way you can think about what the best responses to your situation would be.

/r/AskMen Thread Parent