I should probably use a throwaway for this but I don't even care. I'm ranting about my own fatlogic. I know I've not been taking care of myself mentally or physically and it's really reflecting on my body. I'm not happy with the way I look but I feel like I look fine. I've been going through a ton of stress and a pretty intense depressive episode over the last year and I've really let myself go. I've been in denial for so long about my weight gain. It's affecting my self esteem and my relationship/sex life and my SO is too polite to say anything. Or else, he knows I'll most definitely be really hurt and cry a lot if the words are said that we no longer have sex because of my weight. I know, he knows, but now I need to do something about it. I've gained 20-25lb over the course of our 6 year relationship and now I'm just on the cusp of an overweight BMI. I've fired up the Fitbit, the MyFitnessPal account, and good 'ol CICO is my new mantra once again. I lost that amount of weight before that way and it will happen again.

Also second rant: I've been near this exact weight before close to 10 years ago during another painful depressive episode and I was a U.S. size 12-14. Now, at this bear exact weight and exact height, I can easily buy a M/L or a U.S. size 6 off the rack and it fits. Vanity sizing is SO REAL and probably a big factor in my extended denial.