I don't have advice as much as I have a situation to be aware of. I've always tried to be a cool dad with my son. Not like the parents who let their kids be assholes and party with them. But cool as in not uptight.
I've always coached his sports and volunteered at school. Plus I do a lot in the community. So I have fun with the other kids and also do a lot to help them out. So I've also got the rep of being "cool" with his friends. I've never spanked him bc I feel that talking through stuff was a better solution. What he did wrong, why it was wrong, and what a better option was.
I've also tried to give him independence. I let him work with me at my various jobs to earn actually money. I talk to him about 'grown-up" things bc I'd rather him learn stuff from me than a kid on the playground. I've always been blunt about everything from slang words, to money, to religion. I don't sugar coat stuff. I want him to feel comfortable doing the same.
Fast forward to the past few weeks. He's 12. Last weekend he got the new COD game and I gave him the freedom to stay up late and play. I used to be a gamer and i know how big of a deal that is. Friday I went to bed about 10. Woke up at 7:30 and he was asleep on the couch controller in hand with his Astros on. He played all day Sat, and when I got up Sunday morning, he was still playing. His eyes were read and he looked like he had been on a crack binge. He was so delirious. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I screwed up.
It's hard telling a kid no. Especially when you can relate. My mom was a POS and she screwed up so much raising me. We don't speak anymore bc of it. I swore that my child would grow up the opposite of how I did. Not just material possessions but everything. My mom did nothing to prepare me for life, I never had a voice or personality, and I could trust her let along speak to her.
I've gotten long winded but my point is this, find a balance of saying yes. My son acts so grown up sometimes that I forget he's 12. He's in honor classes, works during the summer (by choice), has his own bank account, and love helping me do charity work in the community. But, he's 12. So it's up to me to protect him from staying up all weekend and feeling bad for school and basketball on Monday. Kids respect rules and discipline. Trust me they do. Maybe not at the time but they do.
Don't follow the pack or stress too much about how they'll turn out. Just listen to them, be aware of what's going on with them, be involved. Parenting is the greatest experience of my life. But sometimes reality is a kick in the balls. We sat down yesterday and talked about it. I told him that I needed to balance being a dad and friend better. He said he understood, hugged me, and told me he loved me. We may get it wrong but, somehow our kids always know what to say and the perfect time!