ndad worked 12 hour days 7 days a week by choice my entire childhood. I only saw him at my school band concerts and the occasional basketball games(not soccer or tennis though). Sometimes there would be a bonus appearance of ndad in which I would get yelled at for annoying him by talking about things I found interesting/amusing('just be quiet. let's just enjoy our dinner. etc') or by pursuing my own interests(spending any time on the computer, which is now my career, was instant scolding). Also got to see him from time to time when he was throwing me or my brother into the wall or when I was being instructed that 'children were meant to be seen but not heard.'

he was self-employed in a well-paid career and didn't need to log those hours or take on as many clients if other people(like his family) were important to him.

I live a few hours from home now and we have maybe 4-5 brief interactions per year, which is fine with me.

If i could write a card, it would say "I enjoy existing, which I acknowledge you played some part in."