Respect is not ever earned by fear. Respect is given back to people who show respect. Parents teach their children to respect them and other adults by modeling that respect towards other adults, and towards their children. Respect doesn't mean obesiance or pandering or false humility. When I show respect towards children, my own when they were young, or other children, I listen to them and hear what they have to say. I may not enact their ideas but I do listen to them. I may point out that their ideas have some danger that they have not thought of but I don't do it in a belittling way, but in a loving and teaching way that shows that I care about them.

Children are people. People deserve basic respect just because they are people. They don't have to earn it. They can lose it. I have tried to approach most people with basic respect until they repeatedly do things to lose it. The people who have lost my respect are the ones who treat others with disdain, who belittle others as a habit, who make themselves out to be perfect and noble and everyone else to be dung, who put others down in every way they can, with language, with actions, with lack of actions. And mostly, I have no respect for those people who had the opportunity to be parents and instead took that and focused on themselves instead, were just selfish jerks and their children suffer the effects of their behavior for the rest of their lives.

Your mother has lost her right to respect from you. She has lost mine. I am sure that most people who know of her behavior towards you do not respect her either. You are right. She is wrong. She justified her bad abusive behavior with a stupid wrong mantra. Just because she said it over and over doesn't make it right. I am really sorry that that is in your head now. I am glad that you recognize the wrongness of it.
I hope you heal.