How did you get better?

I have managed to get better in the past when my overall stress levels were low, but I can’t seem to get to rid of the stress today. It’s like a self-perpetuating pattern, I suppose? OCD can stress you out on its own, but being stressed by other things also triggers OCD...

I have tried mindfulness. That’s something I’ve seen recommeneded a lot in the past, just like meds and therapy can help some people a lot. But it doesn’t make a big difference for everyone... I guess it depends on how easily you feel stressed out, so I need to be more resilient. But how do I get more resilient when I feel so fragile?

I’m only able to feel better when I escape reality. Escaping reality can happen in various ways, but I can’t live a life of avoidance. On the other hand, I get so stressed out and anxious when I really try to face life and everything difficult. I have also gotten accostumed to expecting a negative/stressful outcome, so most days it’s difficult to find the energy to change my ‘reality-numbing’ ways.

“Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.” I like that quote, and I know that the avoidance has only made it even more chaotic/overwhelming when I briefly am able to face reality. Life scares me. Death scares me even more.