I feel bad

I had the same situation somewhat recently. A childhood friend contacted my sister to pass off a message to me via SMS that he has been trying to contact me for a while, and to give me his phone number. This was about two months ago and I still haven't called. I'm reluctant enough to message him on Facebook, let alone talk to him voice to voice. I'm afraid that he'd ask me how I am and what I've been up to. The scariest question to ask people with this condition. I find it so weird that he still thinks about me and wants to contact me. It doesn't seem real to me. I kind of feel bad that I ended up being his childhood friend. The relationship we had will always be a part of his past no matter how far part we've become. It's comforting in some way knowing this, but also sad because I am depriving him of something. Every time he thinks of his past, there's a chance he'd end up associating it with me and that being associated with some sadness.

Also, signing up for college for Fall semester is closing in fast and I can't bring myself to do it. But if I miss out, that's another semester to miss.

I wished people could sense these things; You know? That we aren't snubbing our noses at you. We are just terrified that you won't accept us so we go to great lengths to avoid contact. Even if we told the truth like you did, it's not believed. To people without disorders, that sounds out of sorts and almost passive aggressive.

I'm sorry if what I said sounded negative but I thought it might be useful venting? IDK. I'm venting myself and maybe my venting can help you to know that someone else out there had a similar experience.

/r/AvPD Thread