I haven’t had much help for 11 years. Just one friend I can rant to who will listen. It’s nice, though. But it does hurt a lot. I’m not taking any medication, and I’m a bit of a neat freak, and my mind is always running through self-hate and suicidal thoughts. I have very few things that make me at least a little happy, because everything else doesn’t work anymore. The things that do still make me happy in the moment and calm me down don’t feel the same, though. I just want to get out of this nightmare. I’m done feeling alone. If only it were so simple as to just stop feeling that way. Everyone wants to hang out with me, but that me would be the me that’s always happy. I still feel isolated and alone.