I feel like all my problems stem from me hating myself, and I'm not sure how to change that

I think it began a long time ago in middle school when I dated someone who was super judgmental of me and other people.

Usually there are patterns formed by our caregivers while we are children that lead us to subconsciously seek out certain types of people. Our caregivers also program our super ego and that is usually where guilt, shame, and being judgemental comes from. The super ego sets the tone for our default mode network--the default idle mode of the brain that subconsciously steers us most of the time. It comes in the form of thoughts and feelings that seem to come out of nowhere, and for those of us with a lack of love in our upbringing the super ego can be hostile. We battle the thoughts and resulting feelings, trying to resist them. But resisting the thoughts propagates them. And we tend to internalize them anyway, thinking they are a part of our identity when we are not the thoughts programmed into us. It got a lot easier for me once I understood this concept. I make a point of acknowledging the thoughts and feelings, without judging myself or falling into a trap of overanalyzing. There are a lot of thoughts that I welcome, even if I don't like them, and imagine me putting them in a little cloud that floats by in the sky. It's become exponentially easier to deal with my super ego since. I am ruminating and obsessing far less. I want to learn how to meditate to heal my default mode network and therefore the super ego thoughts. One day I won't call my super ego Gollum so much anymore.

It also got a lot easier when I shifted my goal from loving myself to being compassionate of myself. I also make a point of treating myself as if I have value. "What would someone who values themselves do?" was a question I applied to many situations. It's an 'acting as if' technique that feels really awkward and foreign at first but I am convinced that it's nurturing.

/r/selfimprovement Thread