I've previously commented on a post similar to this. First off you're not alone in feeling that way. It's more common than you think because women just don't talk about it. When I told my mum how I was feeling I was shamed. So we just don't talk about it.

Secondly, while my daughter didn't spend any time in the NICU, and I brought her home two days after I had her (also c-section) I hated her. Didn't want to be in the same room as her. But then six weeks after birth her dad decided he wanted to take a step back and did it without warning me or anything so all of a sudden I was left alone with this tiny human I wanted nothing to do with but I had to keep her alive, right? So that's what I did. I kept her alive. I fed, changed, bathed her. Then I forced myself to cuddle her and hold her and let her nap trap me. It took months, and I mean MONTHS for me to accept her. After the initial feelings of regret and dislike dissipated the feeling of a live in babysitter set in. Then at around the 7-8 month mark I started warming up to her. Then one day I woke up and it was like a switch flipped and I realised how much I love this tiny human. Honestly looking back I don't know how I would've survived the pandemic without her.

She's 16 months old now and it's mainly just her and I. Her dad sees her a few hours a week but it's mainly us.

I was in therapy for it for awhile. I had/still have PPD/PPA. It has been a long road and there are the occasional days where I feel like I made the wrong choice but ultimately I know I didn't. She's brave, strong, fiercely independent, sassy and cheeky, and such a little love bug all wrapped into one and I wouldn't want it any other way.

So my advice is to push yourself to keep at it. Keep feeding your baby, keep changing your baby, keep cuddling and get nap trapped by your baby. Take it day by day and if you can get in some therapy. You may need meds but you may not. It's hard and it's tough but it gets better and it's so, so freaking worth it.