I disagree. I suffered from depression for as long as I remember. I don't believe in a higher purpose and I've always been aware of the things that you mentioned. When I was severely depressed, I dreamed of being able to live and function normally. Now that I am, I am so grateful. I live a very ordinary life, I don't have a family, a fancy job, a lot of money, but I am content. When I was depressed, my thought process was the same as yours. I didn't want to accept that life is pointless. it is not normal to feel the way you do about the world. Depression isn't something you get when you see the world and life for what it is. It is a disease, a disorder which warps your mind and your perception about the world. You are not seeing things for what they truly are. It's not your fault, it's depressions fault. Continue to fight. There is infinitely more to life than what you're seeing right now.