I feel like getting back at narcissists. How can I handle this desire?

Would you kick a hornets nest?

Trying to get revenge on a narcissist will backfire and go horribly wrong almost every time. As someone whose fallen into that trap multiple times with the same narc, I can confidently tell you that seeking revenge will most likely lead to you getting hurt even more than you already have been.

Remember that narcissists really don’t like to lose. By getting revenge you may think you’re just evening the score, but to the narcissist they haven’t done anything wrong. In their mind whatever they did to you was justified or no big deal. It doesn’t matter how awful and evil they treated you. As soon as you get the revenge you want they’ll start plotting their counter revenge. It becomes a nightmare game of tag and you’ll lose because you have a conscience and they don’t. They will take it much further than you could even imagine. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you know what they’re capable of. These people get off on ruining lives. I don’t think it’s possible for someone with empathy to truly appreciate the amount of damage a narcissist can do. They are not normal people.

Something I’ll never forget about my Nex is that no matter how much I learned about narcissists he never stopped surprising me. That horrifying shock, the sinking feeling in my stomach, the confusion. Right up until the end he was doing things that just left me with my mouth wide open wondering if this was real or if I was stuck in a nightmare. I think it might be the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced. The worst part was that every single time that happened he would act like he didn’t do anything wrong. I remember thinking “oh wow this time he’s done something so awful that he’ll have to see it and feel bad about it.” That never happens.

Anyway my point is that you do not want to be at war with a malignant narcissist. You will only prolong your abuse and suffering.

/r/LifeAfterNarcissism Thread