Feel like I've improved, but still want to die

I don't know if I have anything constructive to offer but I want to say your post really resonated with me.

I had a period where things improved and my mental state wasn't as precarious. I didn't have that maddening drive to die. And I thought that was the end and I was on the road to getting my life together and becoming a normal human being again.

But still things weren't that great. At all the highest points in my life, they were still riddled with problems. At times I still thought about suicide (more casual than serious I guess). I still have social anxiety. Still have trouble making friends. Still sad and lonely. Can't finish my degree. Still struggle with study. Anxiety still prevents me from doing some things. My physical health got worse. I can't do things I enjoy. I spend most of my time at home feeling unwell. If I try to go out and socialise I come back utterly drained and having to recover. I don't even think I'm capable of working. Medications don't work or make me feel worse with side effects.

So yeah, I don't know. I know there's people out there with objectively worse situations and health but I don't know how they do it. I don't know how they still find it in themselves to keep wanting to live.

/r/SuicideWatch Thread