Hey! Heads up, below is honestly a little confrontational, but it was intended in a good and helpful spirit. I'm so chill to go back and forth a bit. Sorry fro bad formatting- but I guess that's a you problem lol
Why do you abhor chit-chat? I see it like a hammer. I don't love hammers and I don't love playing with them. But I recognise it as a tool in my hand, and use it as such. Chit-chat is the same. You can extract a lot of value from chit-chat, at which point it becomes a valuable tool.
She only asked 'what do you like' because she didn't have anything better. She just took your question and dumped it back at your feet. I think the subject material of the conversation is only 10% of the conversation. Gleaning personality and insight through the tone and pace of conversation is the 90%. You could talk about ANYTHING, but if you send paragraphs of winding words, THAT is what she remembers.
2b. Bad phrasing on my part. When I say 'dragged it to your thing', I mean that you went from the chill moon stuff, then YOU gripped the convo and ripped it into philosophy. I honestly suggest ONLY sending anything like that if she does first. Conversation is like jazz, listen to the flow and meet it. Don't 'condense' anything. If it's too long to say in a short message, DON'T SAY IT.
A textbook is more boring than a comic book. You might disagree, but you're in the minority. That's not inherently bad, but it is true.
'hail *mary to understand her affinity for the moon.' Make a conscious choice to care less about subject matter, and more about personality. It's not about the ingredients (subject), its about the chef (writer).
They are the same thing. This one is hard for me to type out succinctly in a persuasive way, but I'm going to try, because this is the one point I think is most important in this whole discussion.
It feels like you see a distinction between empty words and meaningful words. You avoid empty chatter, and pay close attention to words of value. I believe you could shift your perspective and gain a lot of insight. All words are meaningful words. Subject matter and personality are the two halves to any sentence. Essentially- What you say, How you say it. The lines between them are heavily blurred. Take this comment as an example. You can easily discern the subject matter, I am writing quite clearly. But you can also sense my personality. We have never met, but through reading my words, you can probably make some judgement calls regarding if we'd mesh in person, or how intelligent I am. That is a powerful tool.
Recall the goal of these conversations. The goal is to connect with someone. To do this, you must have a shared understanding of each other, and an admiration for the other person. For millennia, telling stories has been the most efficient way to do this. When you tell a story, you are giving her material knowledge. Subject matter. You also allow her to learn how you speak, interact, and think. Likewise when she tells you a story.
Inner emotional landscapes sound neat and fun, but that's like dumping an ocean on a sprout. You cannot skip steps. You are clearly prepared to be vulnerable and share your emotions, but that doesn't mean you can expect the same from others. You are the smug student getting 100% and failing to understand why your classmate getting 10% hates you.
It's not that I value specific stories MORE, but I understand the power of storytelling, and how it has shaped human relations since the dawn of our era. DO not reject a tool because you do not like it. Do not use a hammer on a screw because you value the hammer more than the drill. Right tool, right job.
Take it. If you want an ego boost, go get one. Start a conversation, bring up an awesome thing you do, and let her reply with 'oh sweet that's so cool.'
The 'point' is irrelevant. You clearly view all communication as the transfer of ideas. IT IS NOT THAT. Stop caring about WHAT is being said, and start looking at HOW it's being said. I know I'm repetitive there, but it's important. Hot tip- use a 5th grade vocab. When we use short words and simple phrases, our words read off the page like honey. If she has to concentrate or process to understand what you're saying, she's gone. A good vocab only matters when you're trying to convey subject matter precisely.
Don't leave any door open for any specific topic. When she's vague, you ask direct but open questions. 'Why the moon and not the sun?' 'I get super spooked when the moon is orange, ever seen any of the crazy eclipses?' 'I've got no idea who I am, especially because I keep changing. I remember feeling like a different person after travelling to China. Ever done something similar?'
Yeehaw thanks for coming to my Ted Talk