I'm in a similar but probably not as bad boat as you, and I'm not even finished college. The prospect of not being given the job I want immediately (ie. just how life works for everyone that isn't on top) terrifies me, I constantly berate my own work ethic and how I barely stay on top of things, how I'm not at the level of subject familiarity I should be at, etc. Just my brief experiences with summer jobs has made me realise I wouldn't last very long in a lot of lines of work. It gets pretty overwhelming, often I isolate myself or start losing my temper with everything. But whenever I spiral down into that self-loathing at what I feel I can't do, I try to always remember the things I have done. The fact that I got here to begin with is achievement enough, and it shows I'm not totally hopeless, and whatever's bothering me can probably be beat if I just apply the same persistence that got me through before. You made it through college, so the same applies, that's not something everyone manages and it shows that you can rise to a challenge, even if it seems small now. It's easy to forget there was a point of your life where you might have felt similarly desperate and unsure how things were going to work out, but they did, mostly because you pressed on. Try to see some advantage to your position so you can find courage to carry on