I feel like my girlfriend is changing herself for someone at her work

my boyfriend (2yrs together M/F) had a new hot coworker that he was talking to way more frequently than he ever did any other coworker and didn’t tell me about it and when he did mention it i was broken. they were talking on the phone for an hour every night and getting lunch together. i felt like my trust had been so deeply betrayed and it was almost a breaking point. it took us a solid week+ of having really hard conversations about the reasons it hurt me, and the reasons he didn’t understand it was a big deal. it was really hard for both of us to work through and respect each other’s perspectives. eventually he understood why i thought that the situation was shady and it really just boiled down to the fact that we love each other and we have to talk about boundaries more.

if she truly loves you and you do your best to explain why the situation is making you feel weird, while not belittling her opinions, she should either modify her relationship with the guy so that they don’t cross boundaries again or have a legitimate reason that the friendship is nothing more.

i have a lot of male friends and i’ve always been straight up about hanging out with them so there is never even a thought of something shady. my boyfriends coworker was going through some personal issues (mom passed and her father lost their home) and he was just trying to be there for her and he didn’t realize that she was crossing lines. once i told him she was crossing lines, he greatly modified how he interacted with her so she wouldn’t get the wrong idea of their relationship.

basically, try your hardest to have meaningful conversations about it. both sides will inevitably feel attacked in someway, but if the love is real you’ll be able to get through it and work together to have better boundaries in the future.

/r/relationship_advice Thread