Feel like I need someone to tell me I NEED to see a psychologist

Try this if you want, I get hyperfixated on things as a traum response and I'm channeling it into feeling my body and grounding myself through the abyss. I can only get so far reliving trauma alone, I need a safe person to lay a new foundation of wiring in my brain. Right now it feels really good to imagine being chopped into pieces with an axe and I really crave death and am in pain constantly. I have severe arthritis and can literally hear my bones and body falling apart and I feel my mind fall apart equally. The worst I felt when I was dying was when I felt worst mentally but it was almost like a "finally!" Moment.

When we think a terrifying thought our bodies respond. If you imagine a punch in the gut you may feel your abdominal muscles contract. You also feel your breath shorten.

Mind, body, spirit are all in equilibrium. Like chemistry equations. Things are constantly in fluctuation in response to each other. You push a magnet with a lot of negative the small amount of positive is thrown off by ALOT. If thats true for magnets then that is true for us aswell. We have energy in our bodies right now, constantly surrounded by it and if we are in equilibrium, but also entropy is a thing too so our body system, mind system, and breath system is all getting inundated with data 24/7, the system gets more chaotic over time like its okay to go get a reboot and patch. Like you're a computer like get a patch coz if you're in self destruction mode and your mind system thinks you are inherently bad then you will consciously or unconsciously act as if you are bad and eventually your body will become in physical disease. Really it is your self screaming out to you, to anybody to say they'll be there when you feel yourself fragment and crumble and the abyss is looking at you and you edge closer and closer. A psychologist is a harness and pulley system for going into the abyss like a pro spelunker like whatever kid from Pokémon, you know the young trainers in the caves with all them Golbats. Learn to discern disdain and practice the opposite. Embrace it. Its work, bish. Get used to it, bish. Oh man. I'm about to eat some peanut butter toast, like the good peanut butter and I am really looking forward to it. Gratitude is a great thing to practice, Gratitude is infinite, so many things to be grateful for and it helps heaps. Worship your pets as gods. They are like a little God. Like the epitome of the best thing in the universe and its your friend. Treating my pets as God's is really fun for me idk. It makes me laugh aswell coz they're just so silly and the best.

Do extreme things to your body but in a nice way, Shakti mats are really painful but they are so great. Its all tingly and you can't think about a flashback with your being stabbed with hundreds of sharp points. It is stimulating that body memory and releasing it. It gets shit going!! But in a way that YOU control. Put a blanket over it at first. Slather yourself in chocolate and put marshmallow buttons on and a pinky nose and biscuit eyes and literally eat yourself you beautiful bastard and just do it and just enjoy yourself, be mindful of consequences and give yourself as many reminders or notes as you need. I'm a rambler tonight! Weooeoeoeoeoeoe it is nighttime.

I really want to make a pavlova snowman. This Christmas Google pavlova and have one or a close thing coz it really is so delicious. Meringue, cream and fresh fruit and dont even talk to me about vanilla in that cream!!

Massage right under bottom of head. Really feel your spine. Stand on something spiky and feel how the sensation radiates through you. When you touch an ice cube you feel the cold shudder throughout. Words and thoughts have the same effect.

Be mindful of what you tell yourself and your thoughts because you deserve kind, loving thoughts. And kindness is doing something like finding a therapist. Its feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

Going back to that ex that makes you feel unwell is an example of "feeling the fear and doing it anyway" being used out of context as the former is going to induce more pain into the entropic system whereas we want to add more joy, freedom, flow, peace to the system.

/r/CPTSD Thread Parent