I feel like i shouldn't exist

I've discovered myself,but i wish i was like this when i was a kid.I know what i want in my life now,but the past is making me sad,every moment that i wasted not working on myself is stabbing me,never took life seriosly until i was suicidal 5 months ago,reached rock bottom for the 2nd time in 19 years,now im just mentally ill and how to cope with the past turning out like that,i blame my parents,i always felt neglected and unloved and inferior and hated myself but there was nothing wrong with me,they mistreated me so many times,and now i hate them so much for turning out like this,it could've been so different if they showed me basic stuff when i was younger,i don't return their calls and use them for money,i jus't can't . My whole left upper jaw is killing me 2 nights in row,all because i didn't brush my teeth regulary and my mother never even showed me how to brush or how imporant it is or remind me to brush them or ask about school and other things,then she blamed me for having bad teeth and have insulted me infront other adults many times. My teeth are normal but from self neglect i have 2-3 teeths fixed,now this too.I just feel like dying and i wouldnt care,everyday is struggle just to do basic stuff.All the other kids that i know turned out normal and everything,except me

/r/SuicideWatch Thread Parent