Since I was 16 I knew everything was wrong and I needed to improve. I tried losing weight multiple times to no avail. As I sought to understand the problem more I came to the realization that it isn't something I can overcome by sheer willpower. About 80% of people who lose a significant portion of their body weight end up gaining it back within a year. All my attempts only proved that I was that 80% of people.

So I've been looking into ways to increase my odds of keeping weight down. I came to the conclusion that I'd drastically increase my odds of losing weight and keeping it off if I could actually afford healthy food. So I set on an effort to claw my way out of poverty.

I got a few books on computer networking and troubleshooting, spent the next 3 years (at this point I was 17) learning everything I could about computers and networking. I built two systems and fixed a few systems here and there, set up my own web servers and played with routers. Finally when I got a job in food service I thought I'd get some momentum back in my life. I got my CompTIA A+ cert, spent six months applying for jobs... Just entry-level helpdesk jobs. I got nowhere. So I pushed harder, 200 applications a week... Still nothing. Now I've effectively ground to a halt.

It sucks. With my personality type I feel like there's always something I can do better. But I'm expending large amounts of energy and making no progress.

So I'm north of 300 pounds now where I was only 280 before. In my current state of health I probably won't live much past 40. I don't know if it was this sub or another, but someone described us as sharks. If we stop moving, we die. Well, I'm doing pretty well with the dying part.

I haven't given up fixing myself, but it feels like less of a sprint and more of a slow crawl at this point.