Hey friend. We have oddly similar circumstances, but I am much older than you. At 19, I probably felt similar. So I hope you can find the strength to get through this, because there comes a time when you can set up your own life and circumstances. I built my own 'adopted' family of very close-knit friends along the way, I have my own place to live, which is calm and free of chaos and abuse, and a long-term partner who I only met in my late 20s. You have all of that to come.

I have no doubt you'll settle down and build a life for yourself, and it'll look however you want it to. Right now looks really bleak, and it probably does feel like surviving. But the older you get, the more you can control. You're surviving for now but it's temporary. Please try to find support and wholesome spaces online (like LGBTQ+ groups) if you have no-one else to confide in in person.