I felt this a lot in university. I was the only woman in my computer engineering class. I felt pressured to get grades as good as the guys, despite also running two university clubs and working a part time job. I'd watch my male classmates talk about something technical during off time, this new language is amazing, this language is horrible because xyz. I wasn't confident enough to join in. I didn't want to join in, should I say something stupid and reinforce stereotypes.

When I graduated and got a job, I realized it isn't that men knew more than me. It was that there are a LOT of overconfident men out there. After 4 months in my first job, I discovered I knew more about Java or even the product than coworkers 10 years older than me did.

There were still people much better than me. They enjoy studying and personal coding projects on the weekend. I used to study a lot on my own to try to keep up with them, but now enjoy reading and playing games. I realized that I didn't have anything to prove. If I was making contributions to the company that both myself and my boss were happy with, then I didn't need to force myself to keep up with these people who lived to work.

You don't need to prove anything. You don't need to compare yourself to anyone. You are not you, women in STEM. You are you, that is all. If you are not enjoying programming, it is not because you failed all women in tech, but because you do not enjoy it.