Have your own kids. It creates natural born allies for you. It changes the current balance of power. Your dh can't fuss endlessly over skids because there is a new adorable defenseless little human to love and pay for. Have a couple. It changes how you feel about your life. If it is not a possibility please forgive me for suggesting it, but it really changed things for me. Plus if skids wanted to whine and complain instead of thinking "oh no, my kids are unhappy", your dh can ignore the whining older kids and focus on your little baby.

Also I would let dh know there is no way he should even listen if his ex wants to discuss your household inner workings or you. He should be direct in ending the conversation. He should speak nothing but your praises to others. Right now it sounds like she whines to him and he whines back. That would infuriate me. It is completely disloyal. He is lettingyour ex tear your home apart by listening and agreeing with her whining and his kids whining too.

My analogy about having skids in my house was like having my worst most devious work enemy living in my home. It is not fun. Tough on them that you aren't their full time maid. I do notice men don't usually emphasize to their kids how much sm is doing. They never say, we couldn't afford this and this if it wasn't for sm, so act thankful and appreciative.