You're definitely getting a lot right. I am aware of these issues. I don't want to sound like a victim of pretend like I'm a perfect human, which I'm not.
We had 3 kids in 30 months. Oldest is 5yo, youngest is turning 3yo. We went from taking little vacations twice a year and being flexible with work and schedule, to being overwhelmed with Parenthood. When I talk to friends who know me, and have older kids, they all tell me that baby/preschool years are the hardest. Not because it's not hard later, but because of the kind of difficulty. We're in charge of keeping little people alive who don't understand boundaries, or personal safety. We temper out of control emotions, and show them it's ok to have strong feelings, and be there with them to navigate and direct their energy in a healthy way. They can't make a meal, or take a bath, or get ready for bed, or even fully tell us what's wrong if they're sick out just plain upset, because they're still developing language.
My friends tell me that it gets better when they go to school. They're more mature. They're out of the house, develop their own friendships. They can get themselves ready (to a point). And you don't have to worry about stuff like walking in front of a car. Running away in a crowded grocery store. Putting something dangerous in their ear or mouth.
So I guess what I'm waiting for is time. Time for the kids to grow up and be a little more self reliant. Time for them to go to school for several hours and things to get done. Time for my husband and I to relax a little bit. To go out at night and find a babysitter comfortable enough to put 3 kids to sleep. Or even to have the energy to go out.
I think yout points are very real and honest issues that are going on. You are right. I just don't know if I want to walk away before I know. Is it the stress of 3 kids who need us morning noon and night for basic survival? Or is it that we got into some serious cycles that will not be broken under any circumstance? Know what I mean?