I feel that way constantly. For no discernible reason, I feel at any moment my world is going to implode and it’s my fault because of something I did. Did I actually do something? No but my brain doesn’t care, it’s already decided I’m guilty and punishment is right around the corner.

I grew up in a very abusive home with a parent that looked for any excuse to dole out beatings for reasons real or imagined. I never knew if what I was doing would get me in trouble. I was in a constant state of wondering when the next attack would come. Even when I left home for college, for an embarrassingly long time I was afraid my parent would burst through the door to beat me even though there was an ocean between us.

It’s been years and I’ve had an enormous amount of help to get to a point of living mostly fearless. However my childhood anxiety evolved. Now if I experience any setback, hell if I smash my toe on something, that old fear crops back up. It’s no longer tied to my parent but just the feeling of I’m going to experience great pain soon and it’s my fault.

It’s some times debilitating but that’s just the nature of the PTSD beast. I try to deal with it by expressing my feelings to someone I trust. They usually logically explain how my fears are unfounded and that usually gives me “permission” to relax. If I can’t get speak to someone, I honestly watch videos about ptsd and anxiety. Ultimately if for some reason I can’t shake it, I say to myself no matter what happens I will face it head on. I will fight for myself whatever may come. Tell myself, that as long as I’m alive I can recover from anything.

I apologize for being long winded but I hope this is able to help on some level. I highly recommend talking to a good therapist to get to the source of what may be causing it and from there you can work on how to navigate the feeling