unfortunately i dont have any advice for you but i just wanna let you know that i feel the same way. i feel like ive convinced myself that everyone hates me, which makes me hate myself even more

i think a big part of this is because i have the same issue as you. i want to be that guy who wants to get along and be happy with everyone. i want to be that guy that everyone wants to hang out with. but lately i feel like im about to break because "happy" is the only emotion im allowed to feel. i dont want to look sad or be angry or all that in front of other people. i dont want to talk about these things to other people because ive always been the "happy guy" and i feel like talking about these depressing stuff would be too creepy or weird and might ruin my relationship with people. sometimes when i talk with other people or see them talk to each other, i get really envious because of how "real" everyone else is, which sometimes even gets to a point where i actually hate them, which leads me to believe that they must hate me as well, which makes me hate myself and feel guilty for feeling like this... its a cruel cycle

i feel like i always have this urge to scream, but obviously i cant just do that. last night we had a party with family members and everyone was happy and i was being as loud as i can, it got to the point where the neighbors even complained about it... thats why i suddenly got conscious about it, maybe the reason why i try to be as loud as i can when im happy is because i hold everything else back

i think people hate me. sometimes i hate other people. but i hate myself all the time for feeling like this