I can completely understand why you would feel crushed in that situation, if that were me I would've felt like I got dragged through the mud as well. And i know it is so much easier said than done but the best thing you can do for yourself is don't give up, you are so worth it and getting help is so worth it. You deserve a better quality of life, you deserve to feel better than this. It can be extremely discouraging that there are so many treatment options and not every option works for every person. It is also extremely discouraging how long it can take to get Dr's and therapist appointments. But if you don't give up that means there is a chance that you can feel better. Until then you've gotta try to focus on that and get through one god awful day at a time, even one hour at a time or just get by making deals with yourself to make it through one minute to the next. I have been at that point plenty of times, where one minute is the most I can handle until I get to the next minute and try to deal with that. But I also know that when I feel that way I would do anything on the planet to make it all just stop. And I have had better times in treatment, I'm fighting my way back now to find another treatment that will work for me, I can't give up because just know how good it is to feel better and I would do anything to feel that way again. Don't get me wrong it is not an easy fight, not at all, battling depression is just that, it's your own mind waging war on you. But please consider not giving up just yet. No one should have to live this way, ever.