A Female Friend Perfectly Described Bad Sex for Women

I wish you would have listened instead of commenting and completely ignoring the point. This is not an issue that you can solve by telling me "just tell him what you want different." Women have a lifetime of subtle training to put the needs of others above their own, whereas men have a lifetime of subtle training to take what they want and to project their self-interest onto others. You're not helping here by giving me your perspective, because your perspective is part of the systemic problem-- men seek what is in their self-interest by default; women seek to be accommodating by default. Because that's how we're subtly, unconsciously trained. Correcting such systemic, unconscious behavior will take a lot more men just LISTENING to women instead of trying to project their behavior onto women.

The best case scenario for women speaking up about bad sex (and I speak here from decades of experience) is the man is pissy because he feels entitled to finish or he assumes (as you seemed to with your comment about vaginismus) the problem is not with his performance, but something to do with the woman. The worst case scenario is the man will respond defensively, angrily, or even violently. I know, #notallmen, but enough men behave this way so that it becomes unsafe to for women withdraw consent when the sex is bad.

Please, especially in this sub, try to just listen and not to dispense advice. It's just not the place for it, unless it is requested.

/r/TwoXChromosomes Thread Parent