I'm sorry you're going through a hard time right now.

Personally, I think it just varies person to person. I was on the fence until I became a nanny and was with the kids more than their own parents. Parenting is not for me, I see how much of a thankless job it is, and the good does not outweigh the bad.

From your ex's perspective he is firm on not wanting children. There is no maybe, or room to negotiate. He probably feared that you would change your mind. If you got pregnant accidently and didn't want to abort and then he's 'trapped.' So for him it's better to find someone who is childfree.

It's okay to not know what you want. You're young so you have plenty of time to decide. There is no rush but I personally think if you don't want children 100%, you shouldn't have them.

My boyfriend is a fence sitter and he doesn't know, but we've talked and if he does want children then we will go our separate ways. It's not the best situation but it works for us. I do hope that he leans on the side of childfree though.

Children are such a huge responsibility and a permanent choice. Some people just know what they want earlier in life and some people later. I know this isn't really the answer you want. Spending time with kids can help you pick a side.

If you are considering children though I would ask to watch your family's and friends babies/toddlers/kids for an extended period. This is will give you insight on what it will be like and just how different kids and their needs can be.

I've worked with 6 families, all different ages, and different parenting styles. I like children, but I would never want them as my own. Tbh, I don't think I would have ever known if I didn't pick up nannying and I'm grateful I did.