The problem is not so much owing up to the deception, but the very public method in which this was done.

As couple therapist Esther Perel puts it, an affair that has been revealed within the couple can actually work to make the relationship stronger and more passionate than before - she describes it as starting a new marriage with the same partner. However, for this to happen, the cheated partner needs to not look at the actual sordid details (Where did you do it? How? Was she/he better in bed than me) but at the reason why the affair (or in this case attempted affair) occurred.

This mass revelation makes it almost impossible for couples to actually get to the necessary catharsis for their second marriage together because of its public nature. There will be too much looking at all the details, too much pressure from outside (with the knee jerk reaction of many who don't really understand to dump the cheating scumbag), and the perpetual shame of having the cheater forever branded as such for all to see, for all to criticize, and for the cheated partner to also be criticized for having chosen to stay with a cheater - not to mention any children affected by this.

This public shaming is in other words robbing not only the cheaters but their partner and also their children from having a chance at forgiveness and a chance at reconciliation. At least it makes it much, much harder.

The hackers broke the law, that much is clear. They are not pure evil, but they are just as irresponsible as the users of the site (actually more because of the breadth of the tragedy they helped sow, without hope of reconciliation or catharsis compared to a standard cheater being discovered only by their partner). Their glee at being able to cause so much tragedy (wrought from a misguided sense of righteous wrath) borders on the obscene.

To add to this, people have forgotten to think about the impact on the children of such a public shaming. Imagine the kids' pals at school saying "I found your Dad on Ashley Madison", how they could be bullied over that. The kids surely do not deserve that. Up to now, a discovered affair would almost never lead to that, but would stay private, with the children typically having no knowledge of it. And their classmates being even more in the dark. But that kind of exposure makes it impossible. It irremediably pulls the children into the circle of shame and brands the whole family. And that is what makes this public shaming more horrifying.

I do believe there will be some suicides among the outed people. Statistics dictate it, and for some, the hack will be what literally pushed them over the edge. I stood on the railing of my 14th floor balcony just yesterday evening before realizing how silly and cowardly I was.

Taking pride in this is surely not a cynical sense of humor, it is much darker than that.