Alrighty, going to call things off here, unless someone has something that hasn't been tried.
I do find it pretty humorous that one of my first comments in this thread regarding this topic is still getting downvotes (as well as many of my other comments here), just for stating a simple fact: if you pay for something, it should work. This is a fundamental facet of not only software development, but expectations put in place for purchasing goods and services as well.
Anyone here who is comfortable spending money on products or services that do not function on a similar level in comparison to their peers (in this case, other AAA video game releases), especially considering Square Enix raised the price of this game specifically, should reconsider their spending processes.
Why? Because always picking up the latest game Square Enix pushes out regardless of quality reinforces the idea that they can push out a terrible port, that they can develop a half baked game, that they can introduce NFTs into games that don't need them, that they don't need to have a competent writing staff for any product.
Controversial take it may be, I like good games. And to foster an ecosystem that supports that style of game development, you need to be capable of doing just one thing:
Know exactly when a product isn't up to the standard you expect, then refund the title.
I'm going to leave this post up, so that if anyone does a Google search for things like "FF7 Remake Multi-Monitor Issue", they'll find this post with various troubleshooting. Maybe some of it will help them. It unfortunately didn't help me, so I'll have to process a refund on the title.
Good luck to anyone else who finds this post, however.