You are being dense here. Getting a lap dance is so obviously something that might upset a partner that almost everyone would say there’s no grey area. And even if you do think it’s a grey area, that doesn’t mean “well there’s a 50% chance she won’t be hurt so I’ll go ahead and do it anyway”, it means “there’s a 50% chance she will be hurt so I’ll not do this until we discuss it”. Because you’re meant to love your partner and not want to even risk hurting them.

I’ve never explicitly told my husband that shagging another woman or punching me in the face is not allowed, but if he does either of those things I won’t be forgiving it because it was an “unspoken rule”.