I thnk women like to convince ourselves that men will change for us because we're 'special'. If you need to change anyone.... That's a red flag.

I started dating again after my divorce and I swore off smokers. Smoking admittedly isn't as bad as others - like say serial cheating or drug dealing. Still, I wanted someone on the same page as me health wise . I'm getting old! And because I'm an avid surfer I wanted a surfer too.

The guy I eventually clicked with wrote 'moderate smoking' on his profile . He was also a snowboarder, not a surfer. And I hate snow!! Anyway he asked me out. I said yea so what, just a date right . It's not like I'll marry him right.

Turned out-- It was a lie. He was a heavier smoker than my ex. If it any consolation he is a good snowboarder tho!

Unfortunately, I fell in love with him. Not another smoker, I thought!

But I wasn't t deluded. I knew I couldn't make him quit. He has to make the decision-to quit smoking. and to take up surfing.

Long story short he's my baby daddy now. And yes he did quit. Not because of me, but because of him. Maybe he realized he wasnt getting any younger. Maybe it's him becoming a dad. Maybe it's because it's expensive.. The important thing was I didn't nag him. When I learned he was a smoker (and a snowboarder) and decided to continue, it was a conscious decision on my part to take him as he is. Smoke, snow and everything.

He will never be a surfer tho, as I will never be a snowboarder. Some things you have to accept. :D