This is crazy. You’ve been carrying so much weight on your shoulders for so long :( you’re very strong for always pushing through though, keeping that smile on your face. I’m glad that you’re taking the necessary steps to lift the burden, because it truly isn’t your fault.

Also idk if this means anything but.. my college roommates ex bf also committed suicide. They were together for years and each other’s first love, I remember her saying how he always wanted to continue being with her but that she couldn’t, he had some issues and she moved on. He took his life. This girl is like a hippie though and somehow...found light in the situation. Every year on his death anniversary she does some type of putting in nature or goes to the beach. She does things that she really enjoys, maybe that helps her. You will find peace one day