I'm old and have been in and out of therapy since I was 12. Started antidepressants when I was 21. Not diagnosed with Bipolar 2 until my forties. 12 years later and more med cocktails than I can remember and I'm still suicidally depressed. I know I was on lamictal at one point but don't remember what happened. I was on a lot of different meds at the time and didn't know if I was coming or going. Can't remember my last hypomanic episode. Considering hospitalization, ECT because I barely function anymore.

Currently on gabapentin, Wellbutrin, and Prozac with alprazolam for panic attacks. The alprazolam and the gabapentin seem to help, the Prozac and Wellbutrin stopped working over a year ago but I still take them because weaning off is terrifying.

Honestly, I feel like there's no hope for me but I'm very fortunate in that I have people who I love and who love me and the thought of hurting them by killing myself is what keeps me alive. It also helps when I read other people's stories - if they're depressed I want to try and help them, if they're winning a battle I'm happy for them and it gives me a little lift and helps me go on.