I used to want my own house, but I had to recognize that the cost was too great; either leave the city I grew up in, or be satisfied living in an apartment for life. I chose the apartment.

I'm a travelling man by my nature. And the city I grew up in has nothing to offer to me. There's no future here.

Life isn't about ultimatums. In fact, ultimatums are dangerous; you either end up breaking them, or sticking so hard to them that if something or someone might change them, you force yourself to miserably reinforce them. You can't win against an ultimatum.

I see no other options. Ultimatums are the only thing preventing me from living an unfulfilling life.

The Navy culture. How do you feel about the people in the navy? The Navy itself? The way men treat each other, or what is expected of them as people in the navy and as men in general?

We're like a one big family. We've had a strong sense of brotherhood and unity. And it's surprisingly chill here. While our NCOs and command personnel here do have their standards they expect us to meet, they've been quite supportive of us. They have zero tolerance for any sort of bullying or fuckery on purpose.

We even tend to joke about the so called "little green men" or "the Wood Forces" (riflemen, military police, combat engineers, signalists, etc...basically all of the infantry) and how hard they have it here. Heh, we even call our branch of service "the biggest chocolate factory" (Where I live, "choco/chocolate" is a slang term for easiest and comfiest jobs in the Army)

I've done my best to be as great squadmate as possible. I've always helped when possible, I'm always on time, I've never stolen anyone's stuff, I've never bullied anyone, I've always done my best to not disappoint our superiors.

So...No one really dislikes me here. But...no one really knows me either.

I'm a quite reserved person thanks to my AvPD which robs me of my youth. I hold back from intimate relationships and friendships because I fear being...exposed. I fear being shamed or ridiculed. I fear it more than death. I don't consider myself an appealing/interesting/entertaining person. At all. I see no reason why anyone would even bother with me. Why would anyone even want a weirdo loner in their circle? That is why I've grown to anticipate rejection. I've grown to accept that I'll probably be destined for a life of total isolation. I'll rather face death than a life full of jealousy, bitterness and regret.