Finally taking that step towards safety...NSFW

Hi. I have some experience in ROs. I decided to seek an order of protection after some pretty extreme things happened with my ex, the father of one of my children. He was a drug addict, and even though we'd broken up years before, he'd keep coming back when he was lonely or had been on a bender.

Sometimes he would come back to see his daughter and start shit just because. One time he came over after my kids had gone to sleep and pushed his way in the house, he pulled my hair and started hitting me and choking me. I was so scared, I didn't call the police. I know it seems weird and stupid, I was just numb.

When I started dating and then the real fun began. It was scary and ugly. It started with him driving by and then texting. He pretended he'd overdosed in my garage. I called the cops and this wasn't the response he'd wanted. I didn't call his family or give in to the attention seeking behavior the way I had in the past (this wasn't a serious cry for help, he'd already pretended to attempt suicide multiple times at this point) He was pissed. For a while I thought he would kill me. My new boyfriend started sleeping over and I couldn't sleep because I imagined he was right outside my bedroom window, going to shoot us while in bed together.

I finally told my boyfriend the facts. He encouraged me to seek and order of protection.

The best advice I have is to go back and document the incidents. The dates and times. Use texts, get your cell records, document each and every occurrence he ever hurt you and the date. Write down what he did, and very importantly, how you felt. You were terrified, you live in fear. You need protection. Have your friends write down their account of what happened on those 2 occasions, how you looked. How you seemed to be feeling. Add your children to the request, they also need protection. Request supervised visitation because you are in fear of what will happen in his care. You believe your child should have both their parents, but safety, you want to ensure your child is safe in his care.

Have you contacted any domestic violence shelters in your area? I know you don't need a shelter, but they can sometimes point you in the direction of an advocate to assist with your declaration and attend hearings with you. There are counseling centers that assist with this as well, their main focus being with DV victims.

I have never been more nervous in my entire life, when we went to court. I froze up. I got a temporary first, which is pretty standard. During that period he violated the order, attempting to contact me and sending me weird texts. The judge did not like this. When we appeared in court to ask for a more official order, a 3 year order, my ex was obviously agitated and high on something. The judge spoke to my ex first and my ex called me a liar and started back mouthing me. He said he was working on getting a lawyer (and blatantly lied) and spoke of the details. The judge asked me if I was still scared. I said yes. He asked if I still felt I needed protection. I said yes. He then ask my ex if he knew there was a warrant out for his arrest. My ex didn't seem surprised, but suddenly seemed to sober. The judge said he was going to be granting the order of protection with no expiration for both myself and our daughter. My ex was granted supervised visits, though, he's never actually done one.

In the end, it's just a piece of paper. You have to take precautions to feel safe. I moved. Got a new job. Changed the kid's school. Have a security system. But I also have an amazing new life. I'm an awesome, smart woman and I deserve this. So do you. He could find out info if he really wanted. He could find me. But I would call the cops in a heartbeat. I would do whatever it took to stay safe and keep my kiddos safe. I think it took this step to realize I was worthy. Do it. You'll feel so much better.

/r/Advice Thread