Hey girl, thanks for being open and honest in here, I really resonated with your experience and can assure you, you're not alone even if it feels like that sometimes!

This is my second time getting sober after a relapse in Feb. But before that, I was sober for a year and very much a dry drunk and VERY much miserable. I felt like an outcast with a huge "ALCOHOLIC" sticker on my forehead at all times. So salty about normal drinkers "having fun around me rubbing it in" that it took me 6 months before I could tolerate public. I went to AA meetings solely to get my court clip signed, absolutely mortified I got drunk and arrested in the first place. And convinced myself after a year break I would be fine.

This February and to my horror facing another misdemeanor (it got dropped thank god), I chose to do the program and got a sponsor as fast as I could, and it changed my life. That's what worked for me, everyone is different, but it works. was shown how the hell I stop feeling like I'm from another planet around people and alcohol.

I found peace through a mindset change. I accepted alcoholism this time when before I couldn't admit to being sick. Last time, it was painfully obvious how uncomfortable I was in my own skin as a sober person, no wonder people were awkward around me. This time I embraced it, making myself more approachable and less discontent. Last time, I was embarrassed to be alcoholic, hated myself , and was ashamed of myself and my mistakes, completely consumed by self-pity and resentment. This time, I worked a program teaching me to let go of what I couldn't carry anymore, and I'm taking care of myself. Embracing life instead of hating not being able to drink. I can actually function in the life around me because I got out of my own way. Last time sober, I wasn't willing to live life any differently, and this time I was willing to try out a sober life with a sponsor teaching me how to live in it happily.

I really hope my rambles made some sort of sense, and that you are able to experience peace with yourself and a sober life soon :)