The first time you ate non-kosher

Haha, I went back and forth with myself on sharing this one but about 2 months ago, I had THE anti-kosher outburst- and I've never been able to take it seriously again since.

I was living in the (Jewish) middle of nowhere, still struggling to try to stay Shomer Shabbat and commuting miles on miles to get groceries to stay Shomer Kashrut. I would stare with envy at things not hechschered but naturally tempting for someone with kosher sensibilities- 60 cents microwavable vegetables at Target, $3 boxes of 10 burritos- the things young bachelors alone in the big city miraculously survive on.

Then one Saturday- I just flipping had it. I'd had a couple bad experiences with rabbis in one week. I'd spent countless hours watching the paint dry in my studio after walking back from Chabad on Shabbat, brooding over bad experiences.

I hoped in my car and went on Trief Fest 2017.

Pepperoni pizza, double cheeseburger, bacon, you name it. All in this kind of enraged, buzzed (it was all happy hours) marathon.

It wasn't a pleasant experience. The whole time I was thinking "G-d I want you to know I hate you, I hate all these damn rabbis, I hate my life, I hate humanity for being backwards and screwed up, I hate all of the times people didn't understand the weird things I was doing to be observant, I hate everything!" I don't remember what anything tasted like or anything. It was just all rage.

And now I'm kind of back to where I was before kashrut was part of my life. It just doesn't mean anything. I could do it again if I wanted to- but it just isn't a thing to me right now. Complete with weird mixed experiences, like once literally eating a double cheeseburger at In N Out and then davening Mincha because it was the Days of Awe.

/r/exjew Thread