Sure, your experiences are valid and personal. I get that, but I was in the same boat as you already and have figured out how to come out of it. When you do as well, even though you are a late bloomer, you will look back and laugh at this bullshit. I was the 25 year old kid who never even touched a woman before, playing video games, jerkin off (which you should stop and do research on if you do this), forever alone loser until I figured it out. Its about energy, what we say and think and do, we become.

I always told myself I was away from finding happiness.

And that is exactly what you got. Until you learn to be happy alone you will never be happy with another person and you will never even attract them. This is what I'm talking about. Your negative thoughts are outputting an insecure energy women can sense, even if you are buff like a motherfucker. What we think, we become. I dont care who here says its some hocus-pocus bullshit, it's a fact of life. You may have done all these great things but your mind has not changed, and there lies the problem, the self-cock-block.