Thanks for the offer.

I seem to be falling apart a bit. Emotional agony has really stepped up these past few days for no apparent reason. I keep daydreaming about my ex and it's been a year, but even in my fantasies it ends horribly or I commit suicide.

I don't even know what I'm waiting for. Even if she came back and apologized again, what would that solve? I've begun to hate her slowly, and stopped excusing her actions in my own head, but it's all mixed up and I feel some strange guilt at not being there and protecting her.

It's become apparent that I'm living my life waiting for something to martyr myself against. It's more important that I'm thought of as a good person than my own happiness or wellbeing.