For ladies that don’t have a lot of friends, what do you think is the main reason for that?

I'm an extreme introvert, hsp, I have ADHD and CPTSD. I like being alone, and can go an incredibly long time without talking/interacting with people. I require a lot of alone time and downtime to recharge my small social battery.

I use so much of my mental energy to get through the day, that when I come home from work, all I want to do is decompress. I'm married, and I use what little bit of energy I have left to interact with my husband without being a complete bitch lol. It can be hard for non-introverts to understand, and it's a struggle to explain without people taking it personally when you don't have the energy to interact or be social with them. It doesn't mean you don't like them.

I used to have a few really close female friendships, but over the last couple of years I've been dumped by friends for going long periods of time without reaching out (even though they were well aware of me being an introvert, etc. and didn't reach out to me either, but I digress). I'm talking friendships that I'd had for 10-15 years.

It sucks because at the time I lost the last female friend, I was going through one of the roughest periods of my life. It was really fucking bad. When things get bad for me, I get worse at reaching out to people because I don't want to burden them with only negative talk and problems. So I tend to retreat inwards even more. I let my friend know what was going on in my life, acknowledged it wasn't healthy and hurtful that I hadn't reached out to her, apologized profusely, and let her know I was in therapy to work through my shit. Ultimately, it was a deal breaker for her and she didn't have any empathy for me. None. It hurt a lot.

It sucks because I loved the friends I lost and did anything for them. If they needed me, I'd be there in a heartbeat, I'd always listen and support them however they needed. Even if it was the middle of the night. We talked about how we considered ourselves sisters more than friends. Our families were close. I know I'm not perfect and have a lot to work on (not trying to make myself out to sound like a martyr or perfect friend. I'm not). But in the end I guess our friendship styles weren't compatible.

Friendship in adulthood is hard! All of us are dealing with something, and sometimes friendships are put on the backburner when we're dealing with the other shit going on in our lives. It can be difficult to find the balance.

Also I think there can be lots of miscommunication. In my case, I didn't realize my friends were so hurt by me not reaching out as often as they'd like. And they didn't communicate that they needed more communication from me until it was too late.

/r/AskWomen Thread