We fought a lot last year and because of all the fighting, sex decreased to about once every 1-4 months. We really had to learn to just sit down and talk about things without taking it personally.

I found that starting the conversation by telling him this isn't a fight, I don't want to single him out or place blame, I just want to talk about how I'm feeling and want him to do the same. If one of us isn't in the head space for that, we bring it up another time/day. I make sure I use "us" "we" and "me/I" statements as much as possible.

We both ask a lot of questions. When we were having the sex issues, instead of asking something like "why aren't we having sex?" I asked "are you happy with our sex life and the frequency in which we have sex?" If the conversation gets heated or one of us starts getting worked up, the other will point it out and we reroute back to the point or take a quick break and come back. I also try and have the conversations when the problem arises. If you leave it too long, resentment builds and the conversation becomes super one sided and off topic things usually get dragged into it and it comes a fight.

It's a lot of work and both sides need to be completely on board with communicating the issue, recognizing there even is an issue to begin with, and actively working towards fixing it. Both people need to be 100% in it or it simply won't work. If one side isn't ready pr doesn't want to acknowledge anything or put effort in, it doesn't matter how much the other side does. Nothing will change.

If open communication can't be achieved without fights or acknowledgment of an issue etc etc, then maybe a therapist would be the best route.