For the people who stayed after being cheated on, how did you heal? Also, for the ones who cheated, how did you help your partner heal?

I’ve been cheated on, and I’ve cheated.

Whenever they cheated, I only caught a sliver of the truth and no matter how much they cried, swore they were sorry, etc., they always cheated again. I’m talking they took me on trips, bought expensive gifts, fancy dinners, exciting dates, kissing ass, all the apologies and promises of change only to find more cheating weeks, months, years later. They always did it again, and I’d break up with them only to watch them cheat on their next partner, sometimes even making inappropriate advances towards me when they had a relationship, which was like being in the twilight zone. Really made me aware of how they’d conducted themselves out on their own when I wasn’t around.

When I cheated, I lied to myself. It’s very pathological, and it’s scary how easy it is to lie and how easily the human ego of the partner jumps to fill in the blanks. They want to believe you, so they do. Even when I had bite marks, gifts from other guys, love notes, late texts, calls, messages. All the evidence was there, even when I hid it, I wanted to get caught so I would stop. They didn’t want to accept it, but when they did they were furious.

More than anything, they wanted reassurance and an explanation, easy enough penance. I’d apologize and genuinely resolve to never do it again. In most instances I was very loyal, but that was for the partners who were loyal. The ones who weren’t, I absolutely cheated on them again and again.

/r/relationship_advice Thread