For those that cheated.

I cheated, it wasn't worth it. On all levels. I felt guilty, I did it with an old friend who was going through a divorce and came on to me with a manipulative, bruised-ego motivation, I had the same thing after a dying / dead bedroom. It happened a couple of times, was not satisfying but actually ended up confusing me more. It did show me that ultimately, it wasn't SEX I was after per se, or validation from the opposite gender, or the reassurance that I could get sex somewhere else if my partner was shutting me down... it was that I wanted more closeness and intimacy with my PARTNER, and had failed at maintaining the initial closeness we once had. I had not been able to stay close, or better said, WE weren't able to sustain, together, the intimacy I had needed and wanted so desperately. Well, I didn't get that intimacy and closeness with the guy I cheated on with. Not by a long shot. And I ended our "friendship" after he became horribly abusive towards me after we slept together. Also, I now had this NEW THING that kept me from getting or staying close with my partner -- now I had this SECRET, this thing that I couldn't share with him -- and that I CREATED THAT MYSELF!! YAY ME!!!

4 YEARS later, when the intimacy issues with us came to a head when my partner revealed that he was still receiving naked pics on the internet from his ex, but that I shouldn't worry about it because it meant nothing to him, I finally revealed that I'd cheated on him (I said this to get back at him). Basically, 14 tons of mistakes have happened in this stupid relationship, which still just isn't quite dead.

This is just one person's experience, but for me, I no longer have any interest in staying with someone who I am having serious intimacy issues with. It just isn't worth the time-waste, the self-doubt, the lonliness, the sexual starvation, the breaches of trust, none of it. And cheating isn't worth shit either, or at least, it wasn't for me, in my particular situation.

/r/DeadBedrooms Thread