Yes. It isn't just a matter of a little more confidence or a bit of luck. I am aware of the scale, or the perspective of it. It's like if she were choosing between a Porsche, a Taurus, and an old rusty rollerskate. And I'm a used kleenex. I'm not even a form of transport. I'm not on a par with the rusty rollerskate. I'm not even close.

It's idiotic and cruel to hope at this point. I would like to have at least some peace.

They're kind about it. That's the worst part. They aren't even aware that I might be so insane as to consider myself eligible for such things. It's like a cool guy and a total dork, and she might reject the dork, but I'm the muttering homeless guy around the corner. She's not rejecting me, it doesn't even rise to that level. There isn't some consideration followed by a decision. It's absurd. It would be like her deciding whether to date that pine tree over there and then choosing not to. I don't even get rejected.

There's a saying in science: "not even wrong". A hypothesis can be wrong but useful, wrong but at least in some relevant way. But when it's just utter nonsense, they say it's not even wrong. Not only not right, but not even close enough to bother calling it wrong. I'm not even wrong.

So yeah, clearly "not for me". I don't know why, really. I ascribe it to some factor, try to change that factor, and it doesn't work. I see other guys with that same issue, and they aren't alone. There is just something about me, some missing part or some quality that just makes me irrelevant. After decades of evidence, it is obvious enough.

I don't see it as unfair, at least not in the sense of there being some intent or agency behind it. It isn't anyone's decision. It's not like any woman can decide to feel things she doesn't feel. It may be unfair in a general sense, a why-me sort of thing. But there is no solution to it, no court of appeals, so not much point in worrying about it. I'm not going to sue women and demand they react differently.

It is best for me to just not see it, not think about it. I avoid movies, music, and situations where I will see what I can never experience. I am not part of this world.