I really hope this doesn't come off as rude, I'm not trying to be rude, I just want to know why you write in such a pretentious manner. This is reddit. I hope not to offend everyone with this, but the subject matter is not that deep. Maybe you should write a book instead (if you're not already). This is definitely readable but with the subject matter I feel like I'm reading a John Green novel or something.

I have considered becoming a hermit. I might, later in life, when I buy myself a few acres of land a couple thousand miles away from where I am now. I will be with nature, and that's all I really need. I've accepted being alone. I've accepted that this ugly duckling is going to stay ugly and rejected. Friends would be nice though. A relationship would be nice. Sex would be nice. It's likely not going to happen, though, so once I get a bit older and I have a bit more money I will likely resign in to the wilderness, literally, and be the crazy bitch in the woods that talks to her plants. What's the point in staying in the city where I'm extremely unhappy being surrounded by concrete, conceited people, and the shitty mazes you have to navigate through to be "successful" in society.

This is going to sound pretty god damn stupid, but fuck society. Life has no meaning. None. Whatsoever. We're all going to roll over and die some day. So I don't see any point in working a job that I hate, living in a place that I hate, and being surrounded by people that treat me like shit. That's what you're "supposed" to do but honestly what I'm supposed to do is search for happiness. Fuck everything and everyone else. I will likely die alone but I've got a good 40 years left depending on if I don't pull another bad card again. I'm going to spend those 40 years reaching a higher state of mind, which means I will have to find fulfillment, which means I will have to learn to be content with dying alone.

Under the current circumstances I have found myself in, unfortunately, I don't have much of a choice. I won't start getting checks in the mail for another year plus a few months, and then I will have to use that to move away from here, far away from my relatives, far away from this terrible state. Then I will have to strip for a couple years to save up the money to buy property. Who the fuck knows what will happen in that time frame. In any case I will still be stuck. I'm a good 6 years or so off from actually being where I want to be in life, if I'm even still alive by then. And it's a lot harder to just stop caring than you would think. Either I feel nothing or I feel everything and both sides of the scale are fucking abysmal.