Have you forgiven the person who has wronged you the most in life? Why or why not?

I don't think so. I don't think I've forgiven so much as gained a lot of understanding of that person. I've done a lot of work to forgive myself for some of my own reactions (guilt, insecurity, feeling like a failure, feeling inherently unlovable, etc). I have a lot of pity for her, but I don't know if I'd say I forgive her. She was deeply hurt in her childhood and teenaged years, struggled with severe mental health issues that were undiagnosed until I was 17, and she's gone in and out of getting treatment in the 20something years since then, but has always refused any sort of talk therapy (except when it was mandated because she was on a mental health hold because of suicide attempts).

I've accepted that she is who she is, and that I am who I am both because of and in spite of who she is.

I do forgive her for being angry when she realizes that I'm approaching conversations she has with me from a therapy-informed perspective. I still haven't quite found a way to be real with her without resorting to therapist tactics when she gets in certain modes, and honestly, I'm not sure it'd be a benefit to either of us if I did choose to react to her honestly.

/r/AskWomen Thread