I'm 22, was a Medic in the Army, just got out, and have just been down your exact path.

Everything you just described has happened to me. I'm a non combat vet. I worked ems and er my whole service time. I loved it. Saw a lot. Learned a lot. I don't have ptsd from the things I saw as a Medic, mine is from abuse.

I have learned that, people like you and I, are naturally talented at boxing out emotions. That's what got us into the business in the first place. We're like naturals to the sport. But what we gain in one area, we loose in another. We are horrible about processing memories and emotions. We shove them in the back of our minds bc the job comes first, but forget about them and never return to them. Thats where they sit, and ferment (for lack of better phrasing) and they build up to the point they start leaking out. That's what's happening now. You haven't had the realization that the world we work in is life changing. Trauma has a collateral effect. When you witness it, it becomes this grain of sand in the cogs of your working brain. You need to remove it. You need to come to terms with these realizations. This is where you go from adolescence to a man. Youve seen life from both ends of the spectrum and eye opening. It's always good to take a break. We get bunt out soo quickly. This is where you start learning about yourself. You learn how strong of a back boner you really have. You have emotional weight, irrelevant to how traumatic, you still have some. Don't run from it, embrace it, realize this is the grit that makes a humble man.

"The second greatest thing man can do is create life. The greatest thing man can do is save it." -Abraham Lincoln