I was never violently racist, but I was socialized as a white woman to be fearful of all strange men when walking alone, particularly Black men. In terms of bigotry more generally, I also felt uncomfortable around people behaving abnormally in public, some homeless men, and people experiencing mental illness. I've always known my feelings were "wrong" but it's difficult to confront fears when they are constantly reinforced by media stereotypes-- and also, I experienced a fair amount of street harassment (and in some cases being touched/groped/etc) when I first moved to the place I currently live, and it shook me up a lot.

Two things changed. For one thing, police shootings of Black men entered mainstream discourse. My dad has done police brutality cases so I was aware of the issue growing up, but as it got more attention I realized that there was a connection between the fear I'd been indoctrinated into and the violence Black men were experiencing. So I made an effort to make eye contact, smile, and say hello to people when walking down the street, no matter the time of day. If someone starts talking to me, I stop, turn, and engage, rather than avoiding them. I do this for everyone, but this change in practice is an effort to confront my racial anxieties and be a better neighbor to the Black people in the place I live, who have to deal with a lot of white fear.

As for interacting with people experiencing homelessness, mental illness, or just people who are different from me, one day I just got tired of being afraid all the time. I like helping people and making my community better, and my racist and classist fears made that more difficult. I help strangers carry their groceries. I give people rides when they miss the bus. I pick up hitchhikers. If someone is having a mental health crisis, I stop and talk to them and try to help. Interacting with strangers more has put me at risk, and sometimes bad stuff happens. I've been spat at (and once, while helping someone walk to the food pantry, peed on), and sometimes the people I help out get the wrong idea. But I'd much rather make intentional choices and have them turn out badly, than live my life in fear.

I obviously still have a lot to work on and it's an ongoing process. But I'm trying my best to overcome all the bad shit I've learned and internalized.