Let me tell you a little story:

I used to be the Queen of clingy. Of course I had bad boyfriends who I still overly depended on. That was why.

When I was in a low place I temporarily did camming online. Basically you strip and tease on a webcam and (mostly) men give you "tips" so you can earn a little cash.

I became the antithesis of clingy. I had to totally detach from these men and be sure get paid first. I was able to date men outside of work and not get obsessive and they in turn wanted relationships.

Disclaimer: I don't recommend this work although it is often called empowering. For so many reasons it isn't.

Anyway it gave me a mini breakdown and I quit. I still had taken with me some of the detachment. Part of that was forced because of realizing how many guys are on there and often cheating on spouses. Do most men just want this fake screen girl? I wondered.

I ended up being unable to do anything but flings. I had had an overly romantic idea of men, before.

In all honesty I don't want that romantic image back.

But, I am now starting a relationship for the first time since. I'm requiring a LOT of reassurance that he only wants me and is not only thinking with his penis in life. Also I still chat online with some men (he knows) platonically because I'm so afraid of commitment. He knows about my past which helps.

Why? Because I might get dependent again. All my eggs in one basket again. By spreading male attention over many dudes I never had to fear rejection. But I'm still clingy again now that in falling for a guy.

The main thing that helps though is realizing he's not out there having some crazy fabulous life excluding me. A lot of the fear stems from the idea that I'm a loser and he's awesome w tons of friends. Sometimes he's just chilling...

I started being direct. "I'm feel insecure now" goes a long way. I explain I'm just telling him, not asking him to change. It seems to work. Much better than asking him to mind read.